Mama's Musings

You gonna change the world, Mama

We have officially entered the tween years, those bittersweet days of little girl turned fire-breathing something or other turned little girl again. Just as you think you are about to hang her by her toes, my daughter does or says something that leads to redemption every time. And when I catch her at the right moment, there's downright love in her eyes.

This morning I awoke to the furious rantings of a ten-year-old whose father wasn't listening. In our adult way, we like to admonish, instruct and guide our young-uns towards, well, what we want them to do. Never mind we don't always do it ourselves.

No, you can't watch TV. Honey, where' the remote?

Because I said so. Now don't do what I'm about to do cuz, uh, it's not allowed.

I want you to come down here. Right. This. Minute. (Then we wonder when they use the same tone right back at us).

Sigh. So in my melodramatic half-sleep state (waving goodbye to the little REM I had acquired in a virtually sleepless night), I stomped down the stairs and into the corner where my daughter cowered with a blend of defiance and fright.

We battled in a weirdish Mom-not-awake way, then said goodbye in softer tones. By the time she had gotten home from school again, I knew she had taken a detour (again. And not allowed) via her old schoolhouse where her fourth grade teacher always listens to my daughter's concerns about getting a bad grade on her test.

She came home dragging her feet and announcing she had gotten a C- in biology. I ignored her for a moment, allowing her to hear herself before jumping in. Then I calmly asked her if she wanted salad. She appeared relieved that I wasn't addressing what she just had. I helped her print out a few pictures of cells for her science poster, then let her type up her text on her computer, something she loves to do.

"You know what, Mama," my daughter said in a wise-like (and not at all wise-a$$) tone. "Your new book** is gonna change the world. All those people are gonna step back and take a moment to actually think before they destroy the planet and themselves. I mean it. It's cool." Then she trounced off the hang up the wash without a single vitriolic huff, leaving me with my mouth agape at the transformation, and the trust, my daughter just displayed.

**Book events calendar here.

Book Review - Stand By Her: a Breast Cancer Guide for Men

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and I will admit I have paid less attention to the issue than I should.

It took me a while to pick up this book that the folks at Amacom sent me. I'd like to claim it was because I had other priorities: a few TV show tapings; a sick child; a book tour to prepare for. Deep down I felt an acute sense of fear and denial about the subject. When I finally cracked the cover of John W. Anderson's Stand by Her: A Breast Cancer Guide for Men, I realized procrastinating about one's health is the worst thing you can do.

In his case, he had four women very close to him (his mother; his wife; his sister and his mom's best friend) who had breast cancer. His wife, Sharon, to whom he dedicates the book, happened to be working on a show about breast cancer awareness for Lifetime when she decided to get a 'quick' mammogram. Lucky for her, she did so just in time.

While there are quite a few resources for women about how to handle the battle against breast cancer, John lovingly offers his advice to his fellow man. With one in eight American women being told she has breast cancer every year, there are bound to be a few men affected, too. His book goes through the color of the rainbow, assigning colors to each of the stages of the 'war' against cancer. Émploying a very masculine tone, he calls the breast cancer patient the Commander-in-Chief who gets to tell everyone else what to do. It is extremely empowering to hear a man abdicate control and advocate listening as the very best thing he can do.

I also found it refreshing to read his advice about not asking what can be done, but simply doing it so your wife/girlfriend does not have to think for you. He advises sons to simply do the task instead of just offering to help. Although you are affected, this is not about you, he states.

I am extremely grateful for having read his book for its wisdom and devotion to teaming with your partner as you both enter what he calls Cancer Land. The key to navigating its territory is to stand by her with the tools the author lays out until the battle is won.

For more information, visit http://www.standbyher.org.

Do Comics Contribute to Literacy?

Ah, back to school! My children had their second day of school today, and I will tell you I am enjoying their willingness to crawl sleepily into bed by 8 p.m. No more bedtime battles from kids whose brains have been on hold for the past six weeks. It's "hit the books' for you, Buster. And we're all glad.

My kids, 8 & 10, are voracious readers. That is, they can read Walt Disney comic books for hours. I love the sound of them reading. An occasional whip-schwufffff as they turn the page; a sigh; a giggle; an elbow that falls from the table as they lose themselves in the storyline.

Uh. Storyline?

Well, there is one. Always. It's just masked by the cutsy illustrations, is all.

Then I got to wondering if we're doing our kids a disfavor by being so lenient in the literature department. In a panic, I raced to the bookstore with the kids late last week and bribed them with two new books. Chapter books, I might add. They had very few pictures and the print was even smaller than the stuff they squish into those bubbles over Mickey's head. I told them they were allowed to go back to school on one condition. That they each read their entire book by Tuesday.

They both finished them in one sitting.

I suppose comics aren't all that bad after all. But if you believe a new report from Carnegie Corporation of New York (CCNY), Time to Act: An Agenda for Advancing Adolescent Literacy for College and Career Readiness, adolescent literacy is the thing we have to watch out for. U.S. students in fourth grade score among the best in the world, yet by tenth-grade students score among the lowest in the world. Add to the mix that the US economy was recently trumped by the Swiss one when named by the World Economic Council as the most competitive economy on the planet, and you've got yourself some concerned leaders. 

In a phrase: readers are leaders.

So there will be many more chapter books in our household before their school days are over. We certainly won't be Mickey Mousing around on this one.

College Scholarship Money from the Folks at Jif

This just in...

From now through November 13, 2009, the 8th Annual Jif Most Creative Peanut Butter Sandwich Contest is accepting entries from kids ages 6 – 12, for a chance to win a $25,000 college scholarship fund. Four runners-up will each receive a $2,500 college scholarship fund. Adults can also flex their creative muscles by entering the Jif Moms Voice Their Choice Contest.  Adults can submit a story – 250 words or less – describing how moms make the best choices for their families. One grand prize winner will win a trip to New York City and a spot on the judging panel for the 8th Annual Jif Most Creative Peanut Butter Sandwich Contest event final. More information can be found at www.jif.com.

In addition, the J.M. Smucker Company invites you to share your special family memories and recipes in the second annual “Spreading Smucker’s Traditions” contest.  One grand prize winner will win a five day, four night family trip for eight to Walt Disney World Resort where they can create new family memories. To enter, consumers are asked to share an original family recipe that incorporates at least ¼ cup of Smucker’s jams, jellies, preserves, or fruit butter and the story behind how their recipe makes family celebrations special.  The recipe must have been passed down for at least two generations or is currently being passed on to a second generation, and needs to include names of all family members involved in the sharing of the recipe. Entries will be accepted from now through October 12, 2009.

Paperless Schools?

You got your paperless office; your recycleable containers; your hybrid automobiles. But what about a paperless school? No chance of that happening any time soon.

My kids' last day of school is tomorrow. Bavaria is the very last school system to let out for the oh-so-brief warm weather in Germany. Each day has been a course in paper management. Old school projects from two grades ago that gathered dust during the two years they shared the same classroom burst into the house and land somewhere between the front door and the kitchen. I have managed to maneuver most of it onto shelves, into file folders and, for the absolute irreparable, into the trash. At the same time the teacher gave us a list of school supplies for the next school year. Just as we're handling one pile of papers, we're required to buy the next batch.

The amazing thing is to look back on all that our kids did this past school year. Then, as we enter summer vacation mode, we have a broader understanding about why their faces are finally relaxed. No more pressure, just pleasure and fun.

We're a long way from paperless schools, but at least we can leave them behind us for a few weeks of non-academic experience!

College for Kids

My daughter taught me a long time ago that she has a mind of her own. She wasn't but a wisp of a thing, prancing about the playground in her first pair of shoes when she led her grandparents by the hand. "Come. Come with me," she would say in her sing-song voice. And they did.

Not much has changed in the nine years since. She is courageous, willful, and mightily confident. As we toured the various secondary schools where she will spend the rest of her education before heading to college (or Lord knows what), she quickly decided which schools she did not like. Looking at the grey walls of the music school, she remarked, "I didn't work four long years for this!" My eyes widened as I bit my tongue. "A little respect," I whispered, hoping no one else heard me...or her for that matter!

At the natural sciences school, she relaxed. She perked up at the chemistry and physics labs,  the swimming pool and computer lab.

"I want to go here!" she nearly shouted. Then, a day later, I dragged her to the final school, the closest one, which is offering a pilot program in which she gets to learn a string instrument along with math, science, languages, etc. She would be in a music-oriented class for the first two years after which she could decide which track she really wants to pursue. One of the teachers studied at the University of Vienna and has played for the Philharmonic there as well as in Hamburg. I mean it doesn't get much better than that!! It seemed the best of all worlds we had seen. She would get to decide her concentration later, unlike in the other schools that had a pre-determined focus. And she'd be with her same friends.

I could see how conflicted she was. And I felt a sense of remorse for having taken her to all these places, facing her with choices she was ill-equipped to make. She reluctantly agreed it would be the best choice to attend the closest, yet largest Gymnasium, but I could sense she wasn't completely convinced after breakfast this morning.

Chances are her excitment will grow as she shares it with her friends. It is my deepest hope that we have made the right choice. It is ultimately her life, not ours. The whole process has felt like searching for the right college. It impacts the rest of the child's path.

And this is just the beginning...

Boredom Buster - Reader Tip from South Dakota

Whoever said social networking was a waste of time didn't have fabulous people in their network like I do. South Dakota public radio pal Gary Ellenbolt read my Twitter feed about my kids who are bored two days into their two-week Easter break. He emailed me the best boredom buster tip ever. It's called DX-ing. All you need are a few bored kids and an AM transmitter radio.

Because we don't have AM radio here, I thought I'd share the love with you. And you better believe when we road-trip in the US this summer, we'll be 'DX-ing' across the country. Gary writes:

Grab a radio (car radios are great for this, since the antennas outside, but it can be done indoors), and flip through the AM dial to find what stations and cities you pull in.  You can turn it into a geography lesson by finding the communities on a map.  I don't know the rules in Europe, but in the US, we have to give a station I-D as close to the top of the hour as possible (or the first natural break in the programming); but station location may not be that difficult anyway.

It actually works better in the evening or night (the ionosphere is thinner and the waves travel a grater distance, and I could get really technical here) but bedtime may be an issue.

South Dakota is a DX-ers paradise--I've picked up stations from Toronto to Salt Lake City, and south to San Antonio.

Some stations will even send "confirmation cards" if a person can send enough information as to when they were listening and what they heard. 

So for all you radio lovers out there with bored kids over Spring Break, give it a try. Then let me know what you find out!

Discovering Galileo

Having your kids surf the Internet without parental controls is like hopping on the highway without your seatbelt. Not a good idea.

KidZui is a great family-friendly web portal I discovered several months ago. Celebrating its one-year anniversary, KidZui conducted a research study on kids' internet usage. The most astounding finding? 86% of parents surveyed said that using the Internet increased their kids’ curiosity and desire to learn.

Other key findings include:

•       The Amazing Animals and Science channel received more visits than Hannah Montana.
•       Sites about the Olympic Games were viewed more than High School Musical.
•       Information on Dinosaurs and Tornadoes was looked at more than Bratz dolls or the Jonas Brothers.
•       Content related to “civil rights leaders” was visited 15,979 times, just 24 visits less than Taylor Swift.
•       Kids were more interested in Astronomy than Transformers.
•       Spelling sites were visited more than Spider-Man.
•       Content about Barack Obama was more popular than Santa Claus.

So whoever said the Internet was only about pop culture? Numbers don't lie.

The most amazing thing has happened in our household, too. Both kids really love Galileo, a science show that comes on at 7 pm weekdays. I'm not certain if it has something to do with stretching out bedtime, but the reality is it's educational. And for that, I'm willing to turn a blind eye to the clock...

The class of a lifetime

PricelessParenting.com generously offered up its online parenting class for me to review. With seven sections, it is an extremely well-organized lesson plan that covers the whole gammut of parenting. From toddler behavior to teenage talks, it is a comprehensive course that reminds us we all have choices in how we ourselves behave.

Each section is estimated to take one hour. Because of its user-controlled feature, I was able to breeze through some of the less pertinent sections in half the time. It is a mixture of audio input and visual interaction. I especially liked the course instructor's matter-of-fact tone, something I have adopted while parenting my own kids.

It comes down to this: speaking in 'I' statements while telling our kids what we are going to do, alleviates common power struggles virtually immediately. I tested it out on my seven and nine-year-old. It was amazing! Instead of shouting "Get your shoes on!" while trying to get out the door, I said, "I will be in the car if you are looking for me." Or this: "I see the struggle here. What are you going to do?" Leaving the problem up to the kid while showing interest is the key to raising independent thinkers.

I highly recommend this course. To quote Obama in his Inaugural address: "We will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist."

Parenting needn't be a tug-of-war. With love, compassion and effective communication, we can reach common ground. Together.

A Creative Mind

Creativity is as important as literacy. Watch this!