Mama's Musings

[Slow News] It’s Tuesday, it must be…slow here http://ping.fm/IdvZm

My Name Ain't Baby

You might be getting tired of my woeful posts about my ten-year-old growing up, but people, it's not been easy. Sitting with a sense of unease, I pound the keyboard trying to make sense of my rapidly maturing daughter.

This morning at 7:30, I dropped her off in the rain at the busstop. She is going on her first overnight school trip to a town about one hour away. Standing with the other talkative mothers, I felt like a duck out of water. They didn't seem at all concerned (or perhaps their incessant chatter was masking their own discomfort). My daughter stood next to her friend, beaming with a blend of thrill and fear.

Should I go? I whispered to her. She looked down at her shoes, then quietly replied, "Sure." Then, with the confidence I know so well, she added, "But don't you dare call me..." Baby. I mouthed the word, then smiled weakly, walking backwards and away from her. She grinned encouragingly, then turned to her friend, engaging in a lively conversation of which I am no longer a part.

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The Grands

My dad and his wife arrived yesterday for their first visit to Germany in fifteen years. The kids were so excited they left for school early. In their child-like minds, they most likely thought if they left early, Grandpa and Grandma J would get there faster. In fact, the kids raced home from school in record time to see their grandparents.

Their first day was amazing. Normally, I fight exhaustion while trying to stay awake until bedtime after an overnight transatlantic flight. In their mid-seventies, they were as perky as ever until 9 pm. I was astounded at their stamina (and a little envious!). They even played a marathon round of Monopoly (my daughter won).

Even though the rain keeps falling, we know we'll have a blast. The kids have been exceptionally good, which makes me proud. It also tells me when push comes to shove, all that parenting has paid off on some level!

[Slow News] …and Action! http://ping.fm/m1xd5

Weighing In on Dara Chadwick's Book 'You'd Be So Pretty If...'

Shape magazine's former Weight-Loss Diary columnist, Dara Chadwick, has penned an intriguing new book about raising daughters with a healthy body awareness entitled, 'You'd be so pretty if...teaching our daughters to love their bodies -- even when we don't love our own'. The title alone piqued my interest, not because I have body image issues, but because I have been touched by people with eating disorders in my own life.

While reading the book, I waffled between a 'you go girl' and 'you've got to be kidding me' attitude. The book is keenly American in its understanding of body image and appearance. When I think about German culture, they are far more interested in being right than looking good. Interestingly, childhood obesity is becoming more of an issue in Germany as teen lifestyles become more sedentary, too. She wrote the book after completing a year-long public weight-loss program as a columnist for Shape magazine. Glancing at Shape's most recent Web site offerings, I couldn't help but worry at first about the writer's hypocrisy (à la it's okay to read and write for women's magazines advocating killer abs as long as you let your daughters know the photos are fake - the image and its conflicting message remain, however).

Shape.com cries out 'Flat Abs in Record Time,' promises the 'Cellulite Solution - Workout', offers up an opportunity to 'Give Yourself a Lift', manhandle your soul shell with this: 'Supersculpt Your Body' and last, but not least, reveals 'Hollywood's Sexy-Body Secret.'

What's the secret? We want Hollywood to be our measuring stick? Dara rightly says no way.

The brilliance of her book lies in answering those burning questions in the reader's mind. She addresses the hypocrisy head on by acknowledging the fine line between selling a product and selling out for the sake of your daughter's self-esteem. My oscillating mood while reading her book was in itself instructive. Why am I getting so mad? I asked myself. The answer lies in the cultural pressure we have all felt to feel good by looking good. I don't blame women's magazines per se. In fact, I love reading them myself. The danger is in sending the wrong message to your kids about what is desirable. Health, not slim limbs, is what matters.

The book's strongest takeaway is self-acceptance and the emphasis on health, not perceived heroism attained by food denial or purging. The author brightly carries the reader through her own personal journey with her daughter, Faith, a well-adjusted thirteen-year-old so aptly named it's rather scary. Having [f]aith in yourself is of the utmost importance. Dara Chadwick bravely advises us to love our Shape shape as the very thing that makes us who we are.

It is my hope I can help my own daughter navigate the tricky waters of adolescence with her dignity, and her body image, in tact. You'd Be So Pretty If...is a helpful tool to be sure we're headed on the right path. Perhaps the folks at Shape will be touched by Dara's prose, too.

I know I was.

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