My aunt once said you need three daily hugs to stay alive, five to thrive, and twelve to make a difference. While every culture has its own acceptable corporal proximity, I am a hugger. Always have been. Always will be.
Germans are not huggers. They are hand-shakers. They greet each other formally, hand extended, eye contact level. If you're on familiar terms, you get a one arm clasp to the bicep. For huggers like me, it can be awkward to do the sidestep greeting dance with a pseudo-hug better left undelivered.
But something has happened recently at the Volksschule in the tiny town where we live. I've seen some full-blown hugging going on in the hallways: adults hugging adults; kids hugging kids. I can see the 'are you going to hug me' glee in the eyes of some of the teachers. And when I do, we laugh, shake hands and exchange hugs again as we discuss bullying, grades and child development.
The first time I experienced Hugville was in my son's classroom. I was having a chat with the school tutor about my son's school performance. His teacher, the tutor and I had a marvelous time, brainstorming about ways we could empower and encourage without being overbearing. As the bell rang, we stood up from the tiny chairs on which we had been seated. We had just shared a moment with each other and a good hug seemed to be the very thing to end the meeting. So we did. And we laughed again and warmly thanked each other for the commitment we shared. That day I skipped all the way home.
Just this morning I reentered the halls of my children's school to address the challenging mean mom scenario I mentioned a while ago. Heart palpitating, I struggled to maintain control of my emotions. I yearned for the level-headedness a good hug can bring. Then I spied the very first German teacher I had ever embraced. She gave me a big wave from afar, popped into her classroom, then came back out. She walked towards me, arms extended, and gave me the best hug ever.
"I just love your hugs," she told me in a moment of confidence. "Can't do that with everyone, you know!?"
It warms my heart to know there are hugs to be given and received at the lift of an arm. Need a hug? Drop me a line. I give great cyber ones, too.
Reprinted from my parenting newsletter, Powerful Families, Powerful Lives.
