I'm tired of it. Really tired of it. We live in the most child-unfriendly world to date. Take this op-ed piece from the New York Times, Til Children Do Us Part, for instance. In 1944, children were seen as the antidote for a good marriage. That a world war shrunk the Earth's population had nothing to do with this belief, right? Then we enter the twenty-first century of opulence and relative stability. Children are suddenly seen as a great strain on marriage. I take issue with this article for one simple reason: children are viewed as props in an adult world. Have you ever considered how society generally treats children? Or parents, for that matter?
And today, with the world's overpopulation, children are often viewed as a 'nice-to-have' adornment, like a pretty watchpiece or a garden flower. Tolerate them for 18 years, then kick them out the door. In the meantime, make sure they don't embarass you at Starbucks.
Do I sound angry? I am. Children typically come into this world because two people get together. The kids themselves don't really have a choice (although there are groups who believe we choose our parents). Whether the parents are thinking about the consequences or are happy about the result is undecided. It's a tightrope walk. You can do all the talking you want beforehand about what a great parent you are going to be and how you're not going to change one little bit once the baby has arrived.
Then you become a parent, and it's shocking. You have no idea what it is really like until you have had one, two, maybe three kids. And you are confronted by your own humanity, sometimes on an hourly basis. Personally, mothering has been the most empowering growth experience I have ever had.
The Op-Ed article goes on to say children don't really want to spend as much time with their parents as we think, but they want them to be relaxed when they are together. Have you ever asked your kid if he wants to spend time with you? I think the expert on your child is the child himself. Why not engage in a conversation about how much time he wants to spend with you instead of believing a norm set up by someone else? Some days my daughter can't get enough of me. On other days, she's content to know I'm in my office, clacking away at the computer. Perhaps the most maddening aspect of parenting is there are no absolutes. To seek them is pointless.
The fact is parenting is wonderful and terrible and delightful and exasperating. You cannot really ever be prepared because parenting is experiential. You simply have to go through it for yourself, doing the very best you can. Being a parent means different things to different people. It's too bad so many critics view children as a problem to be fixed, molded and manhandled into a norm that changes every few decades any way.
