Mama's Musings

You want a piece of me?

The kids had winter vacation this week. Somehow we managed to spend the time in a low-key fashion. It had everything to do with the fact that my husband took the week off (with the exception of Thursday) and that we basically did whatever the kids wanted. Their friends visited, spent the night, ate us out of house and home. It was relaxed, fun, and very kid-centered. But tomorrow the real world starts for us again because I'm doing some filming for a soap opera ~ and my husband will be left alone with the kids for the first time all week.

Because everything's gone according to the kids' wants, things have been harmonious. But we're tired. And we want to do something for ourselves (like look at sports cars because I'm turning 40 this year and a two-seater means only one other adult can come along for the ride).

At first I responded to my husband's suggestion of a sports car with pragmatism. "But that means we can't cart along four other of the kids' friends if we don't have a second family car," I reasoned. Then, standing in line at the deli, breathing into my cell phone, I listened to what I had just said.

"That means we can't cart along four other of the kids' friends...heeeeeeyyyyyy. You're on to something," I cooed into the phone to my husband. I made him agree it would be our car, and I'd cough up all my consulting money to finance it.

The kids have pushed us all week. "Can my best friend come over?"

You mean the one who just spent the night and we sent home an hour ago because we have no more food left in the fridge?

"Yeah, that one."

Forget the definition of insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Insanity means living with two kids who only understand 'no' as a one-way vocabulary word stemming from their mouths, not yours.

When the door clicked shut and the last friend was out of the house, the kids both screamed, "We're bored!" within minutes. I felt like Britany Spears in one of her latest videos.

You wanna piece of me?

Go ahead. Push it. I dare you.

The lights go dim on this lovely domestic scene and all you can hear is the peeling of a sports car's wheels!

All Hats Off to Michelle Obama

You got your driver's hat, your chef's hat, your doctor's hat, your teacher's hat, your grocer's hat, your cleaning lady's hat...whew - we moms wear a ton of them. BettyConfidential asked me what I thought of Michelle Obama as Mom-in-Chief. She's earned a tip of the hat(s) from us all. Her attitude toward her family and her delightful presence as a power mom make me proud to be a mom who works from home, just like she does.

By the way, Barack's a pretty cool work-from-home dad, too.

Giveaway for Power Moms

We're giving away three copies of Chicken Soup for the Soul: Power Moms, which is coming out March 24, 2009. With stories by Lynne Spears, Liz Lange, Mary Himes, Melora Hardin, Jodi Picoult, Jillian Reynolds, Dooce.com's Heather Armstrong, Jane Green, Elise Chidley, Victoria Colligan, and other power moms all over the country, as well as a foreword by The New York Times' Lisa Belkin, it's a go-to source for every mom who needs advice, perspective, or a good laugh!

To enter, please leave a comment and subscribe to my ezine, if you have not already. Deadline is March 15th.

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Don't forget to check out the video below!

 

Point of No Return

You know you've reached a point of no return when you start turning down TV gigs because you've done three days of filming already and your kids are starting to forget your name.

While on a business conference call connecting London with Washington and Munich, my cellphone rang. When I called back, it was my casting agency calling in a panic as the person who was to play 'the reporter' in a TV movie jumped shipped. I couldn't take it on as quite frankly, I'm a wee bit tired from standing around in the cold on Tuesday waiting to play a bar guest with 2006 World Champion soccer player Luca Toni and President of FC Bayern Franz Beckenbauer in a TV commercial for a sports channel. The pay wasn't great, but the experience was definitely worth it. In measures.

Besides, I have my in-laws coming on Friday, a film crew coming to my house on Saturday, and we're going on vacation right after the shoot. Sigh. The kids are going with Oma and Opa to the Austrian Alps while we do a segment on 'living without petroleum products for a day'. It turns out I know the host of the show.

Small world!

Mom of ten says take back your time, ladies!

Disney's Family.com recently revealed the results of a survey that looked at questions about self confidence, overall happiness, time spent on physical well-being and more. Some of the survey findings include:

- 54% of moms say they feel stressed out most of the time
- 59% said they cannot remember the last time they did something fun, just for themselves
- 49% of working parents spend no time whatsoever focusing on their personal well-being, while another 20% spend just 5-15 minutes doing so
- 35% said they don’t have confidence to achieve things they set out to do.

Okay, sisters, you need some serious time off. Don't have the confidence? Have no time? While waiting for a copy of my November 2009 release, The Power of Slow: 101 Ways to Save Time in Our 24/7 World (God bless you, St. Martin's Press!), I figured you could use some advice from a mom of ten and author herself, Kathryn Sansone, who penned Woman First, Family Always. In a quick cyberchat, I got the low-down on the slow down and what we can do to make me-time happen for real.

CLH: How can moms still take care of themselves while feeling the economic burden of today's climate?

Kathryn: There are plenty of affordable ways for moms to maintain their physical and emotional health.  Simply meeting friends for coffee or going for a walk is a great way to connect with other moms who are under the same pressures. Moms should always take time out of their day to relax and empower themselves. Doing yoga, going for a walk around the block or following along with an old work out video are inexpensive ways for moms to energize their minds and bodies. Also, moms can create an in-home spa day to boost their confidence. Something as innocuous as doing your hair can make a world of difference. (Editor's Note: I plunked down 15 bucks for a curling iron, and women, my confidence soared. I'm not kidding!!)

CLH: In what ways can we encourage parents to set realistic priorities for themselves and their families?

Kathryn: The most important thing all moms should know when prioritizing their family lives is that they need to be true to themselves. Keeping their own goals and needs in check will help them be better mothers. Parents' happiness affects the way they raise their children. As a parent, you need to make sure to maintain your own health to benefit your entire family. Arranging your priorities with these considerations in mind will help you stay balanced and organized.

CLH: Do we really need all those Mommy & Me classes or is a stroll through the park just as enriching?

Kathryn: Every mother finds fulfillment in a different way. Try a few options and see what works best for you. You may find that something as simple as a walk around the neighborhood or activities in your own backyard just as enriching.

CLH: Money can't buy your time. In what ways can parents manage their activities to offer up more family time and less work time?

Kathryn: In this economy, working extra hours to prove your dedication to a company may be enticing. With more and more Americans losing their jobs each day, it's hard not feel the need to go the extra mile (or ten) at the office. However, it's important to remember the needs of your family and children. While at work try to get as much accomplished as possible. Resist the temptation for distractions and do what you're there to do. When you get home, leave the office at the office. Separating your work and home mindsets will help you focus on your family during your time with them and maximize your time together.

CLH: Thank you for taking a moment out of your travel schedule to chat.

Kathryn: Thank you!

Problem Child

I'm tired of it. Really tired of it. We live in the most child-unfriendly world to date. Take this op-ed piece from the New York Times, Til Children Do Us Part, for instance. In 1944, children were seen as the antidote for a good marriage. That a world war shrunk the Earth's population had nothing to do with this belief, right? Then we enter the twenty-first century of opulence and relative stability. Children are suddenly seen as a great strain on marriage. I take issue with this article for one simple reason: children are viewed as props in an adult world. Have you ever considered how society generally treats children? Or parents, for that matter?

And today, with the world's overpopulation, children are often viewed as a 'nice-to-have' adornment, like a pretty watchpiece or a garden flower. Tolerate them for 18 years, then kick them out the door. In the meantime, make sure they don't embarass you at Starbucks.

Do I sound angry? I am. Children typically come into this world because two people get together. The kids themselves don't really have a choice (although there are groups who believe we choose our parents). Whether the parents are thinking about the consequences or are happy about the result is undecided. It's a tightrope walk. You can do all the talking you want beforehand about what a great parent you are going to be and how you're not going to change one little bit once the baby has arrived.

Then you become a parent, and it's shocking. You have no idea what it is really like until you have had one, two, maybe three kids. And you are confronted by your own humanity, sometimes on an hourly basis. Personally, mothering has been the most empowering growth experience I have ever had.

The Op-Ed article goes on to say children don't really want to spend as much time with their parents as we think, but they want them to be relaxed when they are together. Have you ever asked your kid if he wants to spend time with you? I think the expert on your child is the child himself. Why not engage in a conversation about how much time he wants to spend with you instead of believing a norm set up by someone else? Some days my daughter can't get enough of me. On other days, she's content to know I'm in my office, clacking away at the computer. Perhaps the most maddening aspect of parenting is there are no absolutes. To seek them is pointless.

The fact is parenting is wonderful and terrible and delightful and exasperating. You cannot really ever be prepared because parenting is experiential. You simply have to go through it for yourself, doing the very best you can. Being a parent means different things to different people. It's too bad so many critics view children as a problem to be fixed, molded and manhandled into a norm that changes every few decades any way.

Book Review: I'm Really Not Tired

What do you get if you put the genius of Dr. Seuss, add a touch of 21st century cuteness, and toss in a fabulous author name? You get the most adorable children's book (ages 4-8) called I'm Really Not Tired by Lori Sunshine. Sam, and his tote-along-pal panda Pete, imagine the most incredible adventures his parents must be having while he has to go to bed. Placing the reader inside the head of a five-year-old, this tale recounts what many parents experience as their children struggle with falling asleep. Sam tiptoes down the stairs, but gets caught on step #5 as it creaks, alerting his parents, whom he is convinced are having a ball without him, to his night wanderings.

When he finally outtricks them by skipping the creaky step, he finds they are sitting in the living room reading the paper. Somehow, doubt lingers as he crawls sleepily into bed. The final picture makes you laugh out loud as you see the parents eating cake and ice cream on the couch.

This delightful book is for readers young and old. Author Lori Sunshine and illustrator Jeffrey Ebbeler  have offered us a bowl full of fun in 32 colorful, wonderfully rhymed pages.

Supporting Military Sons through Sports

This story moved me on many levels. For one, my son loves basketball and, as any seven-year-old would, he glorifies being a soldier. Even as an American kid living thousands of miles away from our home country in Munich, Germany, he sees himself battling evil in various forms - as a cowboy, pirate or man of war.

So it was very touching to have him watch this video about the real boys who suffer when their soldier parents are away. I loved how supportive they are for each other. Not your typical teenager who admits he mops floors to help his mom out...watch and weep, as I did!

Good play as the antidote to bad attitude

Free play fosters social skills and problem-solving. Go ask any ax murderer. A recent Scientific American article reveals how important play really is. Stuart Brown, then assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Texas at Austin, discovered most of the 26 convicted murderers in Texas had been abused and never played as children. (As an aside, my mom was on campus when then-25-year-old Charles Whitman went on a shooting spree on the U of T campus, killing 46 people on August 1, 1966, which later motivated Professor Brown's research).

It makes me feel all the worse that I denied my daughter the only free-time activity she had yesterday - riding horses - due to her bad behavior. At the time it seemed the only thing to do when she continued to ignore my requests to finish her homework. Turns out it was most likely the very thing she needed that was denied - free play.

Luckily, the folks at Scientific American supplied some key points in an email to me today:

Childhood play is crucial for social, emotional and cognitive ­development.

Imaginative and rambunctious “free play,” as opposed to games or structured activities, is the most essential type.

Kids and animals that do not play when they are young may grow into anxious, socially maladjusted adults.

I'll remember that the next time my kid wanders off without paying attention to her homework. Perhaps a well-earned break, and less school stress, is a good start.

I saw my husband's Martian passport

It is official. My husband has proven once and for all that he is indeed from Mars.

7:27 am - son's tantrum ensues after discovering pencils have not been sharpened for the day. Mom reminds son for umpteenth time that pencil sharpening is a part of the homework process. Son thrashes.

7:28 am - husband steps in, wrenching pencils through daughter's borrowed sharpener. Son sniffles on the sidelines.

7:28:30 - Mom snaps "What are you doing?" Husband stops sharpening. Now calmed son sharpens two more pencils, then sulks in the foyer.

7:29 - husband asks for kisses from son, which he promptly receives. Mom gets Arctic blast shoulder, then a bugrudging peck on the forehead. Son leaves for school.

7:38 - daughter finally says adieu, heading for same school.

7:39 - Mom recounts parent-teacher conference from the day before. "Our son needs to learn to handle his emotions." Husband grunts. When asked what he's thinking, he states: "I was wondering how I contribute to the failure of projects at work." Mom's quizzical look reveals concern. 'Has he been listening to me at all?'

7:55 am - husband/wife breakfast abruptly ends in which husband leaves room while wife is in mid-sentence. "Is this conversation over?" Husband looks surprised that he's been caught passive-aggressively ending the conversation. "I have a meeting."

His passport will forever be stamped "from Mars". I'm convinced of it like never before.

(As an aside, we both take different approaches to parenting. I take the 'teach 'em to fish' approach while my husband takes the 'just give him the fish for God's sake' approach...Hmmmm....)