Mama's Musings

Sink or swim in the school system

Perhaps it is because my daughter is preparing to move to high school next year (in Germany, you enter high school as of fifth grade), but school has been on my mind a lot lately. In fact, the more I talk with my friends who already have high school-age children, the more unsettled I become. They bemoan about how involved they have to be as parents for their children to survive the academically challenging subjects. According to one friend, even music class is cause for alarm. I've heard horror tales of failed Latin exams, late-night cram sessions, and missed dance practice because of school. It all seems a tad overwhelming.

So here's my approach. Sink or swim. We either swim along and do what's required, with a life vest (that's me), or we sink and move to the bottom of the ocean where the water's colder and the vision dark. I don't know about you, but I wasn't planning on majoring as a tutor for the next ten years so my children can make it through high school.

My mom proudly tells me she never once helped me with homework. I remember that every time I hover over my son's head as he battles tears and mathematics. Where is the joy in learning? It appears to have purchased a one-way bus ticket outta here.

The mixed message lies in the school's demand for a hands-off approach while calling us parents forth as to why we didn't intervene sooner when things go awry. It's an unsettling prospect to think my kids' workload will overshadow their childhood...

Water to Offset Panic

Transitions in our household can sometimes leave us all feeling a wee bit edgy. SlowFamilyLiving.com just announced its new eBook, Slow Family Living Workbook, to remind us all of the little things in life to keep us calm, focused, and joyful.

One of my favorite tips is 'drink a large glass of water before you transition to the next thing." We all know the gluggady-glup we feel in the pit of our stomaches when we race to the next agenda item after a meal or large drink. Purposefully filling our stomaches with something to slow us down is a great way to do so. Other mindful living tips include creating a visual talisman hung at our front door to represent our commitment to family or having several meals per week together.

I talk about slow living on my other blog, http://PowerofSlow.org. I'm so grateful there are other people out there supporting the cause!

Happy Birthday, Jackson Pollock!

I was pregnant with my son, Jackson, when I saw the movie Pollock (2000) in the Berkshires. My husband and I enjoyed our first weekend getaway from our two-year-old while the grandparents watched her back in our Boston home. The movie sealed the deal. Our son would be named after my maiden name, which happened to be the artist's first name in the movie.

Google is celebrating Jackson Pollock's birthday today with a unique look. They have such a great sense of humor! 

Dreams Continued

I wrote the following essay last Friday in my parenting newsletter (to subscribe, add your email address to the online form on the right-hand column). It talks about our childhood dreams, how we might foster them even as adults, and how we can help our children do the same. Allyn Evans published it on her blog recently, too.

'What Dreams May Come (True)'
(c) 2009 Christine Louise Hohlbaum

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "Do one thing every day that scares you." I don't think she was talking about cleaning out the shower drain when she said that. She was an advocate of character-building, a notable force at a time when women's rights were not what they are today.

Periodically, I measure my children's risk tolerance by asking them a simple question. "What scares you?" I typically get an answer about the boogie man who lurks in the dark or that German test coming up in school. But the other day, my affable nine-year-old daughter revealed an inner fear that surprised me. "I am afraid someone will get mad at me." She'd rather do a ring-and-run by leaving a note of apology on her friend's front step than face the person head on. Her fear of rejection, a normal state of human experience, has come to pass.

Dreams can offset fears so, without trying to force my adult understanding of dreams on my kids, I also ask them what they would like to be when they grow up. At present, my seven-year-old son would like to be a Judo master and a filmmaker. My daughter remains constant in her wish to be a riding instructor. They are too busy living their childhood to know they are also forming their dreams, the foundation on which the rest of their lives will be built.

Childhood dreams are the house where our souls reside. It is where we live in fearless possibility. It is sad to see paralyzing fear take over my kids, but it is also a necessary process for them to know what the opposite of fearless is. At age nine it never occured to me that I could fail, yet I see in my own daughter the belief that it might actually happen. I periodically get furious with the German school system that points out mistakes more than it celebrates what's right. At every opportunity I try to ask her "What was right about your day?"

What would our world be like if we looked towards the wins and used failure as a mere tool for course correction? What dreams may come true when we move out of burdensome fear and into the sparkling light of weightless courage?

Recently, I placed my hand into the grab bag of my dreams and pulled out "become an actor". At nearly 40, I giggled at the thought, then applied for the casting agency anyway. I promptly got two TV jobs in one week. It took a baby step to create a miracle. It wasn't hard, and it got me to thinking what other dreams I could fulfill.

What are your childhood dreams? Are you living them?

Do one thing that scares you today. It will broaden the circumference of your comfort zone just a little while creating another layer of miracles across the world. Your human potential is limitless. Reach for the stars, then tell us what happened! We'll be celebrating right there with you.

 

TV Mom - So here's what happened on the set

Go for your dreams! You never know who might show up!

The class of a lifetime

PricelessParenting.com generously offered up its online parenting class for me to review. With seven sections, it is an extremely well-organized lesson plan that covers the whole gammut of parenting. From toddler behavior to teenage talks, it is a comprehensive course that reminds us we all have choices in how we ourselves behave.

Each section is estimated to take one hour. Because of its user-controlled feature, I was able to breeze through some of the less pertinent sections in half the time. It is a mixture of audio input and visual interaction. I especially liked the course instructor's matter-of-fact tone, something I have adopted while parenting my own kids.

It comes down to this: speaking in 'I' statements while telling our kids what we are going to do, alleviates common power struggles virtually immediately. I tested it out on my seven and nine-year-old. It was amazing! Instead of shouting "Get your shoes on!" while trying to get out the door, I said, "I will be in the car if you are looking for me." Or this: "I see the struggle here. What are you going to do?" Leaving the problem up to the kid while showing interest is the key to raising independent thinkers.

I highly recommend this course. To quote Obama in his Inaugural address: "We will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist."

Parenting needn't be a tug-of-war. With love, compassion and effective communication, we can reach common ground. Together.

A Creative Mind

Creativity is as important as literacy. Watch this!

Extra! Extra! Read all about it...

As I have written elsewhere, sometimes approaching life a little differently can free up energy to develop a new perspective. One strategy I use is engaging in a new activity unrelated to anything I've ever done before. I call it the 'throw-me-into-cold-water' approach. It works.

So on Tuesday morning, I'm heading over to a television studio in Munich to be an extra in a TV show. Just like that. I found the name of a casting agency that places extras for various programs. They send you a text message, and if you have the time and the interest, they book you. Unfortunately for me, I had already agreed to playing a member of the audience in a TV court show that later was looking for a bit part -- a concerned, yet classy mother who supports her daughter through trial. Dag. Coulda done that! Isn't that what mothering is? Supporting your kids through various trials and tribulations? I turned down the attractive jogger part in another soap opera - it would have required a longer drive and a later day.

After the show I'll be heading over to an Inaugural Ball - hope not to miss Obama's swearing in. If so, I'll be watching the TV actors swearing themselves in during the fake trial - I wonder if they serve champagne on set, too?

Bargain-Hunting Continues

Ever since college, the Sunday paper has held a special meaning for me. Admittedly, it's not only reading a lengthier, essayistic story with great reporting through the mist in my coffee cup that excites me. It's the meat in the middle that sends chills up and down my frugal spine.

You see, I've been a consummate coupon clipper since Eve said "Want an apple?" And now ecommerce has taken the fun out of the snip-snap of my Sunday afternoon. I now have to go online to get all the savings. Or do I?

It's hard to know whether these coupon sites really save you money or are simply veiled ads. To a large extent, coupons serve to build brand loyalty. But my argument is if you're already loyal, why not take advantage of the cost-savings they offer? Therein lies the rub.

CouponWinner.com, for instance, offers 'savings'. But let's look at an example. Amazon is listed as offering 'free shipping' on any purchases $25 or above. Don't they always do that? The neat thing is the site is well-organized. They even have a savings comparison tool, which makes me all warm inside. At a closer look, however, it also requires large orders to get the 'savings' they promote. CouponWinner.com is an initiative born from a Santa Barbara-based company called SurfMyAds.com. It's clear who the real winner is here...

It reminds me of a conversation I overheard outside a bookstore one day. A mother, weighed down with a bag full of books, stopped to look at her watch while her child excitedly peered at the receipt of purchase in disbelief.

"Hey, Ma! We saved 60 bucks!"

"Yeah," the tired mother replied, "and we spent $70 to save it."

I'll continue to wield my coupon-clipping scissors with an eye towards such sites as CouponWinner.com just in case their offer matches my need, knowing full well that I'm spending a lot to get the 'deals' they purport. Sometimes you can couple your coupon with a sale, leading to real savings you would have otherwise forgone. One must be watchful of marketing schemes that enrich everyone else's pocket but your own.

Swapping without the Shopping

My mom used to host a mid-day radio program called "Swap 'N Shop". She'd get call-ins for people looking to buy or sell things. It was a neat, ecologically sound idea, and once she began understanding the callers' Southern accents, a really popular program.

Enter Zwaggle.com, the online community (US only) that connects financially and socially responsible parents with other families across the country to swap goods, save money and clear clutter. Think eBay without all the hassle. A modern approach to the old practice of handing-down instead of buying new, Zwaggle is built on collaboration, not cash. Parents trade their gently-used kids clothes, gear and toys for site points that they can use to acquire "new" things for their families.  The only cost is shipping ($7 on average). By joining and sharing, families save money and prevent quality, reusable items from ending up in landfills. Membership is free, and joining is super easy. You'll even receive 50 site points when you join so you can start "Zwaggling" right away.

Check out the site for tips for zwaggling best.