It's not been that long since I was a young mom in Boston, struggling to balance motherhood with my ever-decreasing sanity. Once we settled into a new life in Germany, I soon lost touch with many of the day-to-day issues of being an American mom.
Six years later, I'm still a mom. I'm still an American. But I don't live there anymore. My children aren't influenced by the same things my niece and nephew are.
It struck me when my sister recently came to visit. We had great girl time, giggling about old times and creating new memories. Proud of who we've become as women, we had some serious bonding time. And she noticed how much more innocent my daughter, ten months younger than her own, seemed to be. Perhaps it's her sheltered life in a rural town outside of Munich, the amount of time she spends playing with friends on endless afternoons or the freetime activities we do just for the fun of it. We aren't thinking about resume-building, micromanaging every second of her development, shielding her from the evils of marketing machines targetting young girls. Not that my sister is, either, but it's clear her daughter is dealing with a whole different set of issues.
In a recent New York Times article, Roger Cohen relates how the term 'tween' is a marketer's invention. He quotes Dr. Sharon Lamb, co-author of Packaging Girlhood: Rescuing Our Daughters from Marketers' Schemes, as saying "Tween is a word made up by marketers in order to sell teen items to younger and younger girls."
Shocking.
To test-drive my child's level of pre-teen wisdom, I approached her with the fabulous mother-daughter workbook Dove has created for pre-teens with self-esteem issues. Having read through it, I thought it was a wonderful way to broach the subject of growing up.
It didn't seem to resonate with her as much as I thought it might. Admittedly, I'm guilty of noticing my daughter's actions with microscopic observation. How does she feel about herself? Her body? The boys in class? What are her interests? Who's her best friend? Trying hard not to interfere, yet 'be there', I often don't know if I'm asking too much or thinking too little.
Or just maybe my child has no issues with self-esteem. Perhaps she doesn't because she knows nothing of Bratz dolls, Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan. She's sheltered, but it seems to be in a good way.
In response to my attempt to give her 'The Talk', she smiled and said, "Yes, when I'm 11, things will change." Where she got that magical number, I'll never know. I mentioned some of her friends who are already 'changing'. She looked me square in the eye and said, "Mother, I'm going to do this myself, okay?"
I was speechless.
Repressing a feeling of failure, I left the workbook on her desk and let her know I'm here if she has questions. All told, she knows I'm there for her, and I suppose that's the point. Self-esteem is an elusive character. I hope she remains as strong as she is now. Perhaps the workbook will be superfluous to my daughter's experience.
It is my greatest hope that my daughter remains a marketer's nightmare. Besides a mom who loves her dearly, self-esteem really is her greatest ally.
