We live in Europe. It's a place with deep roots and broad cultural overlap. It allows for topless sunbathing in public parks. It's a place where children's books talk about where babies come from for the 3+ crowd.
I really didn't think I'd have to talk about anything, really, until my daughter hit puberty. But when I overheard her pretending to run a movie theater under the basement stairs with her classmate, I knew I might need to prepare her for the Real World of Boys sooner than I thought.
My daughter offered a few innocuous movie titles. "We can show Alvin and the Chipmunks, Shrek, and, I know! Kung Fu Panda!!"
Then her classmate asked, "Hey, do you know Sex and the City?" Not yet, but she will.
Enter Dr. Maxwell's The Talk: What Your Kids Need to Hear from YOU about Sex. It raises your awareness about how incredibly sexualized our world has become. Have you ever seen a perfume ad? I mean it's rubbing alcohol with a dash of floral essence, people. But you've got Eva Langoria or whoever is the Flavor of the Week, promising you wild nights with a spritz of this...
The book is not prudish, nor is it old-fashioned. Although I stumbled over her handling of certain sexual preferences, I thought the book cast an overall positive light in how to approach the subject of sex education with our kids. It's about The Talk 21st-century style. It's not like the film American Pie. In fact, it is an antedote to prevent the same scenes from playing in your own kid's world.
According to Dr. Maxwell, we should talk, but more importantly, listen. She pleads for parents to discuss sexual desire and not wait for kids to approach you. Because we've been talking about where babies come from since our kids were young enough to speak (thanks, in part, to a book we bought after my daughter's fascination with it at a friend's house), it doesn't seem like a large jump to talk about their own feelings about sexuality. But it does seem weird because the talk will eventually shift from what parents do to what kids want to do themselves.
One of the most helpful tips Dr. Maxwell gives is looking at your teenager as you would the birthing process. You birthed a baby, and now you are birthing an adult. It takes a lot longer and can be a lot messier, but the end result is equally gratifying.
The problem many parents have is where to start? Wait for an opening in the conversation, then pray your way through it? I had visions of being at McDonald's and saying, "No, you can't have a Happy Meal, and by the way, do you know what sex means?"
It wasn't gonna happen.
In a Maxwellian moment, I found myself in the kitchen with my two kids. My six-year-old son was bantering about, pulling his drawers down as he is inclined to at the oddest moments and saying "Sexy baby, yeah!" I stopped him, sat him down (after he pulled his shorts back up), and said, "Do you know what sexy means?"
Yeah, women. He smiled his impish grin.
No, it means attractive and that you want to have sex. Do you know what that means?
He proudly told me all about it. Astounded at his breadth of knowledge, I later asked my husband about it.
"He chose that children's book about babies for his bedtime story," my husband said casually over his own bedtime reading.
Thus the dialogue has begun. Thanks to Dr. Maxwell, we have a guide to help our children sort out their feelings as we sort out our own.
