Mama's Musings

January Jump for Your Jiggles Starts January 4

Issuing my own press release on my blog is lame, I know, but I'm in a rush and want to be sure you know about this cool opportunity! Stay tuned!

January Fitness Giveaways at Mama’s Musings

(Munich, Germany – January 4, 2007) Expat writer and mom blogger Christine Louise Hohlbaum is hosting yet another Mama’s Musings Giveaway every Tuesday and Friday throughout January. Prior to Christmas, the humor writer hosted a holiday giveaway with prizes worth over $650.

The January Jump for Your Jiggles Giveaway at Mama’s Musings is meant to increase families’ fitness throughout the world by giving way fitness-related items for children and parents alike.

Sponsors such as Jockey, Gaiam, and WaddaJuice will be giving away fabulous fitness-friendly prizes twice a week throughout January. From books to DVD's to sportswear, Mama’s Musings has got families covered.

“Post-holiday pounds are common,” says Hohlbaum, a Charlottesville, VA native who has lived in Germany with her family for nearly five years. “Jumping for our jiggles is a fun way of saying let’s get moving despite the cold weather. Besides, the more jumping we do, the fewer jiggles we’ll have!”

Hohlbaum penned both her parenting humor books from her home office near Munich. Diary of a Mother: Parenting Stories and Other Stuff chronicles her life as an Ivy League-educated career woman turned housewife in Boston with two small children. The sequel, SAHM I Am: Tales of a Stay-at-Home Mom in Europe, relates how universal motherhood is, even in a rural town in Bavaria. Her blog, which earned recognition as a Blog of the Year 2007 Finalist at the Stevie Awards for Women in Business, is an extension of her parenting humor writing.

Masculine Thinking

It isn’t easy to admit this, but I’m a totally feminine thinker. I react with tumultuous emotion over the littlest things. Only they don’t seem little to me. They seem looming, dreadful, and downright scary.

My husband, on the other hand, takes things in stride. Always has. He observes every situation with a level gaze, breaking things down into parts and looking at each one as a toddler would a pile of Legos.  Even something as unsettling as natural childbirth can’t rock his boat.  His placid nature drives me mad, and I find myself trying to provoke him to see how far I can go before his boat capsizes. In sixteen years, I have yet to find his tipping point.

His smooth-minded nature isn’t all bad. His masculine thinking comes in handy in such instances as when you’re investing, say, your life’s savings into the house of your dreams right before Christmas. His even-keeled personality rises like a Phoenix from the ashes with nary a smudge of soot on his beak.

The owner wants his money yesterday for said House of Dreams!?

My answer:

oh-my-god-we’re-going-to-lose-the-only-house-I’ve-ever-wanted-I-feel-like-hurling-myself-out-the-window-pull-up-the-shades-cuz-I’m-gonna-do-it-now.

His answer:

We’ll talk to our bank.

Our neighbor writes us a nasty letter, falsely accusing us of parking in her parking space for the umpteenth time and if we don’t stop it, she’s going to have our vehicle towed.

My answer:

This is a family-friendly newsletter so I’m not telling, but it involves choice words better left unsaid.

His answer:

“Her claim is inaccurate. We’re fine.”

It can be an Olympic workout to have such visceral responses to the world. Masculine thinking is beyond my reach so perhaps I should try positive thinking instead.

Now, my friends, there’s a thought!

Totally Cheating

Rachel Hamman sent this to me, and I just had to post it. Okay, so I didn't write it. There. I admitted it.

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions: 


Why did God make mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house. 
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?<
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring. 
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts. 



What ingredients are mothers made of ? 
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean. 
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think. 



Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom? 
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me. 



What kind of little girl was your mom? 
1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy. 
3. They say she used to be nice. 



What did mom need to know about dad before she married him? 
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores? 



Why did your mom marry your dad? 
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on. 



Who's the boss at your house? 
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed. 
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad. 



What's the difference between moms & dads? 
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work. 
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's. 
4. Moms have magic; they make you feel better without medicine. 



What does your mom do in her spare time? 
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long. 



What would it take to make your mom perfect? 
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Dye it. You know her hair. I'd dye it, maybe blue. 

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be? 
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that. 
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me. 
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Not a chance, kids. Those eyes are here to stay.

Civics 101 for Expat Kids

My dad gave the kids this marvelous rendition of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's poem, The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere. The captivating illustrations and gravings by Christopher Bing are incredibly emotion-evoking. In fact, I had to stop reading several times due to the lump in my throat. The ending is the best ~ a true gem for American families everywhere to treasure for years to come.

12 Days of Christmas, a little differently

This one made me laugh and cry all at the same time. Merry Christmas everyone!

A house is not our home

It's been an extremely eventful two weeks. Why? Because I got fed up, then did something about it.

For five years we've lived in relatively cramped quarters. It was okay in the beginning, before our container arrived with all our worldly possessions. It was fun to run about the unfurnished living room and chase my then preschooler and toddler. As they grew, so did their belongings. Suddenly, we were not only housing several sofas, tables, chairs and settees, but also toys, guinea pigs and stuffed horses and two grade-school kids who prefer to play with the ironing board and coffee table than the toys in their tiny crowded bedrooms.

After knocking my knees on a laundry basket full of junk, I pulled the plug mentally.

"We've got to move!" I cried from the top of the stairs. My voice echoed down the stairwell to the basement where my husband was hanging wash.

I heard a muffled response, something along the lines of 'okay'. Then I set to work.

The Universe is a vast and funny place. You put out a message and weeks, months, sometimes years later, you get a response. And that's exactly what happened. I pulled up a profile of all houses for sale within a five-mile radius so the kids wouldn't have to change schools. Out popped the most magnificent house I'd ever seen.

According to author of The Cosmic Ordering Service, Bärbel Mohr, we need to get really specific about what we want and violà! It appears. We quickly made an appointment with the realtor, who walked us through the house the same day. Walking along the promenade, then seeing the view of the Alps, I knew this was the place for us. It had absolutely everything I had asked for: two sinks in the bathroom; two full baths; a bidet (that wish is related to an erstwhile Italian vacation on the Adriatic shore...); a winter garden spanning two floors; my own office. When the owner pointed out where he had hung his hammock, I could visualize the ease and grace of living there. It was even located in the very street in which I had always wanted to live in our same town.

To top it off?

The bank is pleading with us to finance with them. Huh? I'm amazed. Utterly amazed. Even better. The realtor gave me a copy of Bärbel's book. One of my top wishes for 2007 has been fulfilled. I am excited to see what 2008 brings next!

Holiday Mall Madness and the Meaning of the Season

We're reasonable people 355 days out of the year. Then we find ourselves in the mall parking lot ten days before Christmas, and we all suddenly forget what we learned in kindergarten.

The circling cars, the extra sharp elbows at the check-out line, the overly warm buildings, and the stuffed department stores. Gazing at the frenzy of it all, I wondered what makes us act this way.

This year, I decided not to get swept up in any of it. Simplify. Make things easy. I even declared our house a frenzy-free zone.

I had it all planned. Make copies of the best family picture we could find from 2007, shop slowly starting in October, collect the perfect size box to send to relatives overseas, and whisper a prayer of thanks that my friends agreed we wouldn't give each other presents this year.

As Thanksgiving rolled around, I grew overly confident that this year, yes this year, I wouldn't get caught up in the pre-Christmas hype. I ordered overseas gifts online, snickering to the Murphy's Lawmaker in the sky that I had it all under control. I culled my children's closets for saleable items we could auction off on eBay to tame the chaos in our tiny home.

I even wrote Christmas cards on time. Well, sort of.

And then I remembered.

What should I get the in-laws? I could feel the all-too-familiar frenzy travel up my spine.

It's been a banner year for them. My mother-in-law turned 60. She retired that same month. They've renovated their home. What could we possibly give to them to show them we care? Scrambling for ideas, I begged my husband to help me just this once. He gave me a sidelong glance and said nothing.

Just then, my daughter flounced into the room, begging us to call Oma to tell her how excited we were to be spending the holidays with them this year. Sophia rambled on the phone about this thing or that. Oma laughed and laughed. I could almost hear the twinkle in her eyes over the phone. Clad in full knightswear, Jackson hopped on the phone next and reported how he played Nintendo with his friend on Wednesday. He handed me the phone and continued slaying imaginary dragons in the air.

Oma sounded excited about Christmas dinner and that we agreed turkey would be just fine. When we ended the call, my husband finally responded to my pleading question.

"How could we possbily give them anything for Christmas...?"

His eyes welled with tears as he continued, "I think we just did."

Mama's Musings Holiday Giveaway #15

Hewlett Packard has done it again. They've provided a marvelous do-it-yourself photo album package for busy moms who want to preserve their Wee Ones milestones without all the hair-pulling and cropping it takes to make one with conventional scrapbooks.

And you can win a medium-sized photo album complete with software and design suggestions, valued at $14.99, by entering today's Mama's Musings Holiday Giveaway! HP is giving away one to two lucky winners.**

Enter by leaving a comment and subscribing to my newsletter. Preserve your children's memories today -- and save your sanity, too! Deadline is December 19th. Winners will be notified via email. We will never rent, sell or give away your personal information. Ever.

Fill out your e-mail address to receive my parenting newsletter!

And please note you can save 20% on your own photo books until December 31st by visiting here.

**Worldwide.

CONGRATS TO JENNY AND SHIRLEY FOR WINNING!!

Mama's Musings Holiday Giveaway #14

Of all the workbooks my children use, Schoolzone has by far the best selection and kid-friendly style. In fact, I begged them to put me on their reviewers' list for future material. They've been kind enough to offer a few giveaways just for you!

Today, we're offering four different grade-school workbooks to four different winners.

Third Grade Scholar                                Start to Read Series (4-7)  The New Bike

First Grade Scholar                                            Third  Grade Math Basics

Enter the giveaway by leaving a comment about how your child best learns and subscribe to my parenting newsletter. The winning names** will  be drawn from a hat and notified via email. Deadline is December 15th. We promise never to sell, rent or give away your personal information to anyone. Ever.

Fill out your e-mail address to receive my parenting newsletter!

**US and Canada only.

Congrats to Caryn, Cindi Kelli and Stephanie for winning!

Mama's Musings Holiday Giveaway #13

Baby Brain Box (retail value: $79.95)  is based upon the groundbreaking work of Dr. Jill Stamm, Ph.D., the respected founder of the New Directions Institute for Infant Brain Development.

Baby Brain Box provides rich learning tools that will help every infant, toddler and pre-schooler maximize their opportunity to learn.

Product Development Is Based on Research From:
    * Baylor College of Medicine
    * Yale Child Study Center
    * Detroit Children's Hospital
    * Harvard University
    * University of California, Irvine

What does it do?

• Stimulates your child's development.
• Gives your baby a (chubby) leg up by getting him or her baby off to the best learning start possible.
• Influences the steps of healthy brain development through its colorful design.
• Encourages LEARNING PLAY.

Baby Brain Box is aslo available on-line at www.babybrainbox.com  and www.amazon.com (after 1/7).

We're giving away one box so please remember to leave a comment and subscribe to my parenting newsletter to enter to win! Deadline is December 12th. We promise never to sell, rent or give away your personal information to anyone. Ever.

Fill out your e-mail address to receive my parenting newsletter!

Congrats to Noreen for winning!!