The kitchen table is a place we all know. It’s where lessons are learned, homework is done, tantrums are thrown, and peanut butter is spread. It is a place of harmony and discord, agreement and bickering, but it is always emblazoned with a hippodrome of love.
No one knows this better than Lori McKenna.
Lori is a singer-songwriter from Stoughton, MA, married to her third-grade sweetheart with whom she has five children. Let’s face it. Anyone who has five children earns my immediate respect. But her accomplishments go farther than just the kitchen table. She’s made it to the Big Time, having toured with Faith Hill and Tim McGraw this past summer while three of her children tagged along.
Lori’s honesty about domestic life in her songwriting caught Faith Hill’s attention, leading Faith to admit:
“I don’t remember ever being impacted by a songwriter the way I was with [Lori]. Her writing is masterful, with a pureness that is completely unaffected. The songs are such a great combination of depth and realness … there's just this indescribable collision of innocence and honesty in her writing.”
Faith loves Lori’s work so much she even included three of her songs on her #1 album, Fireflies.
Lori’s Warner Brothers debut album, Unglamorous, is embedded in her down-to-earth style, blending the flavor of singers such as Patty Griffin and LeAnn Rimes to create a purity and truthfulness I haven’t heard in a very long time.
During our chat a few weeks ago, I enjoyed the intermittent wails of her three-year-old, David, in the background, truing up what it means to be a mom who’s living the dream.
CLH: You started writing songs when you were thirteen. Now you are a mother of five children, ages 3 to 18. Where on earth do you get the inspiration and energy to continuing writing songs and working towards your dreams?
LM: It’s funny, really. The kids motivated me more than anything. I had my oldest son when I was 20. I really didn’t start writing as much as I do now until the kids were born. I certainly had no intention of leaving my house with my songs and my voice until three of my kids were born. I sort of have to be talked into things sometimes. I didn’t have a lot of self-confidence at first, but the kids have given me so much strength. They provide a very strong base at home. I was so shy about bringing my music out to the public. I figured it didn’t matter if I failed because I could still go home at night and my kids would still love me.
CLH: Something you said in another interview really hit home for me. You said even if you failed out there on stage, you still had a home to go to. It reminds me of Faith Hill and Tim McGraw. I’ve seen them in many interviews emphasizing the importance of family.
LM: It’s one of those things. Especially in the music industry, people tend to start out really young. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to have a family and bring them up in this journey of pursuing music. The thing is family gives you such a strong foundation. Your priorities don’t become all about your career. I started out after my kids were born. Faith and Tim had enormous success by the time their children came along. For me, it was necessary to have the kids first because they put it all in line for me. It will never be a make-or-break situation. If the music doesn’t work out, I’ll always have them.
CLH: How do you balance both your singing/songwriting career and your family life?
LM: My sister works in an office over forty hours a week. She can’t get any part of her job accomplished with her kids, whereas I can do both pretty readily. There’s a lot more juggling on her end than on mine. My juggling is having you listen to my son cry in the background. At least it is me who gets to catch them when he falls. I feel really lucky because I get to spend some much of my career with my children.
When we went out on tour this summer [with Faith Hill and Tim McGraw], I took my oldest and my two youngest kids with me. Most of my writing is done with my kids here in the kitchen right beside me. People often ask me how I do it in this industry. I think it has to be easier than most industries. This is how I do it -- side-by-side.
CLH: You and I have a lot in common. I wrote a book called SAHM I Am: Tales of a Stay-at-Home Mom in Europe. I also take inspiration from my children and fulfilled upon my lifelong dream to become a writer when I had them.
LM: It really is the same. One sort of feeds the other.
CLH: Your new CD, Unglamorous, really talks about your life at home. You even mention the kitchen 
table, a place to which we moms can certainly relate. Your musicality is amazing. Can you talk about your musical background?
LM: I took guitar lessons when I was thirteen in Stoughton, MA, for two years. That’s the only real formal training I had. Other than that, I am a bit lazy about musical theory. As I became more friendly with the music community in Boston, they suggested I buckle down on music theory and learn the ‘proper way’ to write and read music. I was actually a little afraid of it. There’s really something about teaching yourself your own way instead of fitting someone else’s theoretical mold. I have learned a great deal from my bandmates about music. It might be lazy, but I try not to overthink it. My theory is if it’s not broken, don’t fix it.
Right now I’m teaching myself to play the piano. A lot of really cool things come out of teaching yourself things. You might end up making a mistake, which later turns out to be the coolest thing. Sometimes if you know so much about music, you feel you’re not allowed to make those mistakes.
CLH: That is so refreshing to hear! I went to school in Massachusetts. There are 65 colleges and 
universities in the Boston area alone. It’s a very intellectual place. It is such a breath of fresh air to hear someone say ‘Just go with your own originality because that is what makes you an artist’, instead of trying to always get it ‘right’.
LM: When I got my record deal, I started doing co-writes with other artists. Some worry you’ll lose your own originality by co-writing a song. In my view, the only fear in co-writing is fearing you’ll say something really dumb. Again, it goes back to those mistakes. These people know so much more about music than I do. It’s really about trusting your own voice within.
CLH: What do your kids think about their famous mom?
LM: My kids love music in general, so they enjoy being around it - but they honestly don't think much about what I do. I'm still just mom. I'm still not cool. The kids don't care what radio station or TV show you were on - they want to know when you're coming home and what's for dinner.
CLH: We talked about young music artists who are faced with a bigger choice about having children. Let’s talk about Britney Spears, a really tragic example of someone who was told who she was and was literally produced by the music industry.
LM: You change so much in your twenties. The music industry is so age-oriented. During your twenties, you really need to be allowed to grow into who you are and surround yourself with people who allow that growth. If you look at artists who are very strong and grounded at a young age or someone who starts out later, they’ll do okay. My oldest son, Brian, had plans to attend the Berkley School of Music, then he wanted to move to Nashville. He later told me he doesn’t want to do any of that, but rather he wishes to follow his own voice and do what he does whether it is successful or not.
I can imagine Britney Spears at age 17 being told what to do by other people. She wasn’t making decisions for herself. Here she is almost ten years later faced with a lot of difficult choices without knowing who she is.
CLH: So true. We all need people to look up to. Who is your music mentor?
LM: My brother Richard Giraux, who is ten years older than me and also a songwriter, has definitely been the biggest force in my life. He and I were the only ones who took guitar lessons while the rest of my family took piano. He was always listening to James Taylor, Carole King, Carly Simon and Neil Young – all of whom are singer/songwriters. James Taylor was like Elvis growing up in my house. He still is in so many ways. We actually got to meet him last week. It was so great being able to introduce my brother to his favorite artist in the world!
CLH: One final question: if you had one bit of advice for a mom who is starting out in her career, whether it be music or something else she’s passionate about, what would it be?
LM: Find your passion. If you do, you’re on the right path. I know so many women who have kids and have nothing else for themselves. That can be really hard if you don’t reserve a tiny part for yourself. Watching my husband who has yet to find his passion is really difficult. When you raise a family, you have to find something to keep your own spirit in check. So finding your passion is a huge first step.
Years ago I watched an Oprah episode in which they were talking about how moms have to take care of themselves first so they can take care of their kids. At the time, I was a young mom, and I remember thinking, ‘”WHAT? When do you ever have time to take care of yourself and how much will it impact my kids if I do?” Over the years, I have learned it is soooo true! You and I talked earlier about losing perspective of yourself. It is so important. Nowadays, we’re in a great period in time. We have so much open to us. When I first started out with my music, I was doing it for myself and not worrying about whether it paid the bills or not. If you allow yourself to pursue something without all that pressure, at least in the beginning, it can lead to really amazing things.
Let the ball start rolling slowly. It will bounce back to you. Put your heart into it. Don’t be in a rush, and you will find life’s reward.
CLH: That is great advice, Lori. Thank you so much for your time.
LM: Thank you, too!
See also Lori McKenna's TV clips.
,features 20 stories about how people made the choice to stop the rat race and enter the flow.
