Allow me to get political for a moment. The societal landscape has created a divide between so-called working and at-home mothers. According to the latest Pew Center Research survey for 2007, 62% of working mothers prefer to work part- versus full-time. Without feeding the firestorm of the Mommy Wars, let me mention a few points:
- The conventional definition of working mother always throws me for a loop. In my book, ALL mothers are working mothers whether they strap a briefcase to their wrists and get a paycheck on Fridays or not. That goes for fathers, too.
- At-home mothers are not unemployed. Anyone who has spent 14 consecutive hours chasing a non-napping toddler will tell you that, too. Salary.com elaborates every Mother's Day on what their net worth would be if they actually were given a fair monetary compensation.
- Many mothers who are 'at-home' actually work from there and get a paycheck. There's no mention of work-from-home mothers in this survey. We're a distinct sub-group (and growing).
- Fathers were mentioned only once (according to my Biology teacher, it takes more than just a mother to have a baby. Fathers play a role, also. In my eyes, that includes raising it, too). Fathers were only mentioned within the context of their overwhelming (72%) preference to work full-time.
Why is this so? Why are fathers kept at the margins in this incredibly important conversation about how the next generation will be raised?
To bring in the chicken and egg analogy, you will see society blasts out schizophrenic messages on a continuous basis. We're supposed to have the children, be wildly successful at our jobs, marriages, sex life, and be responsible for the kids the majority of the time, too. For women, these messages read: Work and be guilty. Work and be free. Don't work and be bored. Don't work and be a heroine. Depending on the frequency, you'll pick up any given pulse that warns you what you're doing wrong. For men, they read: Work and be a man. Work and be neglectful. Don't work and be unmanly. Don't work and be progressive.
Today's hardworking parents need a break from all this nonsense. Lambasting them with more (useless) statistics won't ease the tension amongst the sea of choices we've created for ourselves. Being fair to others and ourselves will ultimately make better role models for the kids watching our ping-pong match between who's right and who's wrong.
