Mama's Musings

Author Interview with Arlene Schusteff

I recently had the pleasure of having a virtual "sit down" with first-time author Arlene Schusteff, author of Peanut Butter, Playdates & Prozac: Tales From a Modern Mom (Wyatt-MacKenzie, Sept. 2006) to talk about motherhood, the balancing act and a good laugh.

The madness of motherhood has been outlined in works such as Judith Warner’s Perfect Madness and Jen Singer’s 14 Hours ‘Til Bedtime. When did you recognize how motherhood works?

• I think I am still figuring out. It seems to be constantly changing and evolving. I don’t think that there is any "one way" that motherhood works. But, Judith Warner’s description of the madness is certainly what it looks like where I live (in Chicago).

Were you shocked at what the job requires?

• Absolutely. In the beginning I was shocked at how exhausting motherhood was. At that point, it was such a physical thing. My two kids seemed to be an extension of my breast and my hip. Then, gradually, it got to be less physical and more emotional. I wasn’t physically exhausted at the end of every day, but I had more worries…will they do okay at school, will they have friends, will they hit their head when they jump off the diving board. And now, I’m pretty certain that that is how it is going to be for a long, long time.

How do you view contemporary motherhood? What does a modern mom mean? Do ten-year-olds, in your opinion, really need cell phones, for instance?

• I view contemporary motherhood as a major balancing act. Finding just the right balance that works for you and your family. And, we are so lucky, we have so many more options than the generations before us. That’s why I think the whole "Mommy Wars" rhetoric is so dated. There are few of us who are solely or permanently working or non-working moms. It’s more likely that we work for awhile, take time off, maybe work at home or part time…It’s just not as clear cut as it may have been in the past. To be a contemporary mom means you are constantly re-evaluating your choices based on the stages of your life and you are not pigeon-holed into a label for life. And, do I think ten year-olds need cell phones? Typically, no. My daughter is ten and while she would love a cell phone (she thinks it’s "cool") there is really no reason for her to have one. She is never without an adult who has access to a phone.

There is a "Desperate Housewives" episode in which Lynette gets addicted to her sons’ ADD medicine. Are we mothers a part of the Prozac Nation? Are drugs a requirement to be a good mom in this day and age?

• Can I ask Tom Cruise? I’m kidding. No, drugs are not required, but in certain cases they definitely make life a lot easier. For women with postpartum depression, anxiety or even plain, old depression they can be a lifesaver. After all, there’s the saying that "if the mama ain’t happy, no one is happy." But, "Prozac for Everyone," no, that’s nuts!

What three things would you recommend every mom have to make life a little easier?

• The name of a good babysitter, a support network of friends and family, and a sense of humor.

Your book talks a lot about perception versus reality. How well does parents’ reality in the United States match up with the media’s perception of family?

• I think that finally the media is catching up to reality. We’ve run the gamut from the perfect mom, à la June Cleaver, to the wise-cracking mom, Roseanne and just about everything in between. Now, we have moms like Lynette on Desperate Housewives and Lorelai on The Gilmore Girls that are more realistic. Even Patricia Arquette on Medium is a fairly typical mom (except for the fact that she sees dead people!).

Besides your beloved decorating catalogues, which you admit in your book as being your obsession, which publications would you recommend to make life easier for families today?

• There are so many great magazines. I’m such a magazine addict. I love Everyday Food (full disclosure, I used to work there) because the recipes are so easy to make and so tasty. When you have younger kids, the parenting magazines are great for tips and advice. Brain, Child is always a great read. But, if I was pressed to name one, I’d have to say People. It’s the cheapest "great escape" I can think of.

Thank you so much for your time, Arlene!

• Thank you!

Surprise!

"Where ya been?" my mama wrote to me today. "No blog entries since August 6th. Are you still alive?"

Well, yes.

My kids have been on summer vacation for the past fifteen days, and by golly, it's a lot more work than I thought. The first three days they were steeped in gratitude for not having to go or be anywhere. July was jam-packed with overscheduled activities: from first dance recitals to a TV show taping. In between were school days and boring homework with little down time other than the 45 minute car ride to the next event. Sheesh! They were tired.

But now it has been fifteen days of nothingness, if you don't count the four days at Grandma's house. Or the trip to IKEA. Or the multiple playdates. Or the treats, toys and surprises awaiting every corner whenever the children behaved.

In the meantime, I am planning a TV show with my business partner, networking with decision-makers, working as a PR consultant at very odd hours (you live WHERE? one client asked in complete bafflement over my location. Yes, I live in Germany, and I email you at midnight my time...)

Whenever my children complain that I'm working too much, I say to them, "See that toy you are holding?" They look down, then up again. "Yes." I allow a pregnant pause to waddle through the room before saying, "Well this (pointing to the computer) pays for that (pointing to toy)."

Oh.

So where have I been? Either at my desk, or in the car, driving to this thing or that thing and trying desperately to keep it all together while my kids cling to my legs and shout, "When's our next surprise!!!!???"

12 years and a pirate

Don't you hate those blogs that people start with vigor and vim, only to abandon them like a tumbleweed clacking around the desert? I fear mine might appear that way, as I spend less time online and more time in life.

Yesterday was a prime example.

My husband and I celebrated twelve years of marriage. I hung on his arm like a giddy teenager as he escorted me to the bowling alley for a drink and some appetizers before our movie, Pirates of the Carribbean: Dead Man's Chest.

At the bar, we thanked each other for the freedom we had granted one another to develop into the human beings we are today. We reminisced about our (wise) two-year engagement during which time we never once questioned if we would get married. That was clear from the get-go. My husband realized I needed that time to get used to the idea of marriage. He gave it to me, no holds barred.

Then came my unreasonable request to live alone for four months before our wedding.

"There's this internship in Frankfurt..." I enthused. He smiled, happy to give me the room and to have it for himself as he worked towards his PhD. Even after we got married, I went to Chicago for four months for another consulting job while he completed his PhD. I missed his doctorate party, but did fly home when his grandmother died.

"What are you doing here?" he asked me innocently as I insisted on saying good-bye to his beloved Oma. He had planned to visit me in Chicago just a few weeks later.

"I wanted to say good-bye," I said. Case closed. He accepted my seemingly irrational behavior. That is the secret to our marriage. We accept each other without question.

As our lives unfold and new opportunities emerge, we continue to ask each other things.

"Do you fear I will outgrow you?" I asked with a quivering tone. My husband smiled sleepily (it was late) and said, "I have always seen your greatness, Christine. It's always been there. Why would I be fearful of it now?"

My jaw dropped. "Do you really think that?" I queried with tears in my eyes. He nodded.

"And I didn't even have to prompt you into that compliment!" I said.

Love without prompting. It's the best!