Mama's Musings

Deep Purple and me

Here's a picture of me with British rock band Deep Purple's lead guitarist, Steve Morse. It's a long story. I'll tell you later!

Mommy Was & Mommy Wars

We’re at it again. We’re pointing fingers at who’s right and who’s wrong. We’re playing the blame game where there are only losers. We are doing this to ourselves.

Notice I wrote “we”. It takes two to tango, as the saying goes. The more women who fight this losing battle, the more polarized our society will become.

The bottom line is this: Linda Hirshman does not value mothering as a full-time occupation. It detracts. It destroys. It's a veritable Terminator in action. It takes a back seat to what is ‘real’ in her world. As a law professor, she’s the judge. And she has judged what she does as ‘right’. We all believe what we do is the right thing! So while the stay-at-home mom corner of the boxing ring straps on its gloves, the career mom side is jumping from one foot to the other. And we’re all hopping mad.

Why? Where does this judgement come from? Is Ms. Hirshman really concerned about the future of at-home mothers? Or does she just want to point the finger and say plainly, “What you are doing is boring and doesn’t matter.” Mommy is so has-been. Mommy is not the here and now.

For anyone who has committed her life to the well-being of someone else, it is a caustic slap in the face. For anyone who has dropped her well-adjusted “bye Mommy, see you at 6 pm” children at day care, it is a vindication.

The funny thing is I knew two out of the three women on the panel interviewed by Diane. Debbie Klett has a marvelous new magazine called Total180!. My publishing co-operative has an ad in her latest issue. Deborah Sklonick and I have corresponded several times about articles for her magazine (which is about parenting, by the way ~ interesting the segment doesn't mention that one at all).

I won’t say Linda’s wrong, because I won’t play her game. And I won’t point my finger, drenched with apple juice and cleaning supplies, either.

~~~

You may have seen Good Morning America's segment today with Diane Sawyer, who interviewed Linda Hirshman, a law professor from blahblahblah university. Other than the fact that she wrote a vitriolic attack about contemporary motherhood last year for some newspaper, I'm not sure what her qualifications are about speaking to these issues. One thing for sure: as a legal professional, she knows how to judge.

Stress Test

When we moved to Germany in January 2003, we thought our lifestyle would slow down considerably. In some ways, it has. We no longer live on a busy street, we can walk to the bakery and post office, and we have friends who stop by unannounced when they are in the neighborhood.

Most of these things, I do without my husband though. That's because he works longer hours than he ever did in the United States. I was shocked when we discovered how much 'face time' was required. He works for a start-up company, and some days, he gets home well beyond even my bedtime.

According to Joe Robinson, author of Work to Live, Americans live in the only industrialized nation without a law for minimum paid leave. That is, Americans are the worst off when it comes to time off. Even the Japanese, the global workhorses known for their discipline and laser-like focus, have 10 mandated days off per year. The average Japanese worker takes 17.5. The chart reveals Germany's generous paid leave of 24 days. While my husband works what seems like night and day shifts in one, at least he can take time off without asking his co-workers for cover when he slips out of the office for his three-week vacation. In all fairness, he has slowed his work pace considerably in the past six months. Only on occasion does he come home past 10 p.m.

What happens when we take time off? The Journal of Marriage and Family tells us women are less likely to relax than men. In fact, women's perceived time pressure remained the same while men felt less time pressure after having leisure time. According to this study, women's sense of being rushed increased dramatically between 1975 and 1998 while men's did not.

What's a woman to do? Does it come down to acceptance? Do we need to learn how to chill? I find exercise to be one of the best opiates around. Instead of sitting in front of the computer every minute I can spare, I take to the gym or go for a power walk. As a collective workforce, we need to champion a more balanced lifestyle which doesn't downplay stress, but eradicates it from the day-to-day through ample downtime and an understanding that we do not live to merely work. We live and we work. Most importantly, however, we need to remember how to play.

What Should We Do with the Children?

It is Carnival time in Germany -- it's not like in Sao Paulo, with the thong wearing chicas thrashing about in lingerie and a plumed headdress. It's more for the kids and for those who want to be kids for a week. Consequently, our children are in orbit for most of the time.

"What should we do with the children?" I asked my husband, tossing him a desperate look as I dodged Jackson's shin kicks.

We thought we might give them paintball guns and have them get their aggression out that way. We could take them down to the local bowling alley, put pet tags on them and let them run wild. We could send them to the local learning center for a lesson on stock option investing.

"But do you think our four-year-old would sit through the whole class about investing in precious metals?" my husband asked skeptically.

I conceded. We went to the local pool instead. Jackson fell asleep on the way home, and we could feel our shoulders sink to their normal positions -- at least, for a little while.

Random Acts of Kindness

For Random Acts of Kindness Week, I purchased a bouquet of roses and handed them out to strangers. In the end, time was limited due to my children's minor health issues and schedule. We bought a bunch of roses at Aldi, a discount grocery store which often has good finds on sale (such as lawn furniture and athletic wear). The roses smelled so good! I may just send my husband there to purchase mother's day flowers. The roads were icy in places despite the thaw. Luckily, I have auto insurance, I thought as I tooled down the road with my kids in the backseat. We had a car accident once, and it was very frightening!

As the temps rise, I'm starting to dream about our warm-weather vacations planned this year. We're going to Florida in June so we'll be saying adios to our commercial office chairs and ola to chaise lounges under the sun for a few weeks. I have to start looking at florida vacation rentals as we'll be meeting family down there for part of the time. The place has to have a pool; and the only ice we want to see is the one in our frozen drinks!

Great Children's Books

I have the pleasure of doing book reviews for Little Brown & Company, the Time Warner Book Group. Occasionally, they send me children's books to review. Here is the latest batch:

Priscilla and the Splish Splash Surprise

Jocelyn and Nathaniel Hobbie

Little Brown and Company

February 2006

ISBN: 0316010464

This colorful book is a delight from cover to cover. It depicts a little girl over the course of a rainy, boring week. Try as she might, she can’t seem to see the bright side of life until she meets a surprise visitor at the forest’s edge near her house.

My favorite part of the book are the scenes inside the forest and the joy that the characters she meets there bring to the page. You can’t help smiling and laughing outloud at the witty bugs and animals that populate the magical world among the trees.

If you need a lift, you need this book. It will make your eyes dance…and your heart sing.

Christine Louise Hohlbaum, author of Diary of a Mother and SAHM I Am: Tales of a Stay-at-Home Mom in Europe, lives near Munich, Germany, with her husband and two children. Subscribe to her parenting ezine at: http://www.diaryofamother.com 

~~~

In My Heart

Molly Bang

Little Brown and Company

Jan 2006

ISBN: 0316796174

Heartfelt Book To Ease the Mind and Soul

In My Heart beautifully captures a mother’s love for her child. No matter where she goes about her day, she tells her son he is always with her – in her heart. The illustrations represent the typical day in a Western parent’s life, chock full of activity. Despite the distractions, the mother narrator assures her son she will always love him.

The author gives shows immense understanding for a child’s fear that when mommy is away, somehow she might be gone forever. The illustrations, which were done solely on Adobe Photoshop, show a surprisingly educational quality. Almost without noticing, the reader sees various letters of the alphabet in the shadows objects make or the form two people embracing take on. The bright yellow background is a common theme throughout, letting us know our world can be bright, even if we are not together all day.

                                                                                    

Christine Louise Hohlbaum, author of Diary of a Mother and SAHM I Am: Tales of a Stay-at-Home Mom in Europe, lives near Munich, Germany, with her husband and two children. Subscribe to her parenting ezine at: http://www.diaryofamother.com

~~

This was my children's all-time favorite!

Hokey Pokey: Another Prickly Love Story

Author: Lisa Wheeler

Pub: Little Brown & Co.

ISBN: 0316000906

Pub: Jan 2006

A Delightful Dance of Words and Sentiment

Lisa Wheeler offers young readers a sweet story about a hedgehog named Cushion and his desire to learn how to dance to impress his girlfriend, Barb. After seeking assistance from various neighboring animals, he fails to learn how to do the steps without stepping on their toes. Discouraged, Cushion almost gives up until he learns the biggest lesson of all: real friends help us even when we’re not perfect.

The colorful illustrations by Janie Bynum add to the linguistic humor. This book is great not only for young readers, but also for English language students who wish to learn American idioms. It would be a great textbook for English language schools for its bright storyline and brilliant word plays. I highly recommend it!

Christine Louise Hohlbaum, author of Diary of a Mother and SAHM I Am: Tales of a Stay-at-Home Mom in Europe, lives near Munich, Germany, with her husband and two children. Subscribe to her parenting ezine at: http://www.diaryofamother.com

Kindness Book

I'm writing another book.

Eegads! My husband shouted from the next room. Another one?

Yup, I said in passing. The office door clicked in its lock. My husband sighed more deeply than the still waters that run through him.

Oh, here's the project. Let me know if you'd like to submit something. Deadlines are looming, but I'd love to hear your story. I'll even accept it if it's a day or two late.

Working Title:

Living in the 'Just Because'

Acts of kindness are often overlooked. To celebrate the little things that people do in life, I am collecting real-life stories for a book on kindness (Spring 2007, Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing). If you have a story to tell, I’d like to hear it. Maybe it’s about how you picked flowers for a sick neighbor just to make his day. Or someone fed your parking meter during your lunch hour so you wouldn’t get a ticket. I am particularly interested in how your life changed after the act of kindness occurred. What happened ? Who was involved ? How did it come to be ? Did you notice a change in your life after being the recipient or offering an act of kindness? Were others around you kinder? Were you kinder? Were you more joyous? Generous? All appropriate stories will be considered (no more than 1000 words). Please forward your story and full contact info (full name, address, email, etc.) to me, Christine Louise Hohlbaum, at storyofkindness@yahoo.com. Compensation is a bio. Deadline is Feb. 15, 2006. Thank you!

For more information, please visit http://www.thejustbecause.com.

Ad-ethics

Ellen's Dot-Moms post pointed out a Dove commerical aimed at raising teen girls self-esteem. Since I was not one of the 90 million who watched the Super Bowl last Sunday, I have to admit the meaning was lost on me at first. That is, until I came across this article by Benjamin Radford at the Skeptical Inquirer. He cites studies which claim 98% of the girls polled between grade 6 and 12 are generally happy with themselves. This satisfaction, he states, spills over into adult women as well. Then why do so many magazines cater to women's fear of not being thin enough? Or pretty enough? Or perfect enough? And who is willing to admit their feelings, even in an anonymous poll?

If you spoke with any woman and you asked her "If there was one thing you would change about yourself, what would it be?" She might look off into the distance with a slight smile on her face, dreaming of thinner thighs or a bigger bust. She would tell you one or two things she'd love to change. And usually it would have something to do with her appearance.

In his article, Benjamin writes: "Obviously, few people are completely satisfied with every aspect of their appearance. It is natural—and beneficial—to be dissatisfied with ourselves in some ways." What's missing for me in this article is the fact that women are taught to treat themselves as objects. An object is not a soul-thing, but a play-thing. Women are not encouraged to liberate themselves from the idea that looking good is somehow equated with being worthy.

But he wouldn't know what that's like since Western culture applies a whole other set of rules about masculinity. Men dance to a different fiddle altogether. Apparently, he sees no need to lift girls' self-esteem at all.

AmericanExpress has a neat ad. Along the lines of a popular e-mail questionnaire, this several-paged ad lists famous people's favorite sound, inspiration, movie, etc. It is not surprising that Tiger Woods' perfect day would be to play golf, surf, ski, and spearfish all in the same day. It is personal, hand-written, and compelling. You are lead along an emotional path of faux connection. And it works. The final question is "My card is..." You guessed it. Each person wrote "American Express." Except for my mother, who sent me hers and wrote "Oops!" as she scribbled a completely different credit card on the final line.

What was reserved for Hallmark has spilled over to credit cards and bath products. The age of ad-ethics has dawned.

Spammed Alive

Because I get more spam than regular e-mail, I've begun to believe I'm a doofus-magnet. Yikes.

The Rating Game

Popularity is no longer measured by the number of fan mail you receive, or the number of people on your dance card. It is determined by the number of people who think your input has been helpful. It's everywhere, and because of it, I've become cybershy.

Take the new Gather.com which is a mongrel-breed Web site between blogging and networking. You can add people to your network, thereby feeding them with your thoughts in the form of a blog. Gather.com calls it an article. To most, it's a rant which can be rated. Several of mine have been.

What do you mean you gave me an 8!? I huffed after seeing what my so-called friend thought about my work. I gave you a ten, I seethed. Okay, just for that, I'll go find an amazon review you've done and mark it "unhelpful". Before I could get there on amazon, I grew distracted. The amazonians have gotten on the blog bandwagon. They call it AmazonConnect. You (the author) can finally reach your readers by writing to them in their own living room, cubicle or PDA. I checked out my AmaBlog to see if anyone had left a comment. Nada. But there it was again. 0 of 1 reader who voted liked this post. I was starting to get a complex. Everywhere I go, I'm being rated, reviewed, scrutinized. I sulked over to my Amazon profile and there it was: "87/93 people thought your reviews were helpful. Your review ranking is 21,737."

Pitiful as it may sound, I felt as if I had won the lottery. Only 21,737 other people had a better ranking than me! Someone, anyone approves of my input. I suddenly felt less insignificant.

Now, if only my amazon BOOK ranking were the same... [Split personality of said author screams: Buy her book so Christine can get a life -- please!]

I may never win the rating game, but I suppose there are worst things...aren't there?